Burning Tears

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Primary Blog/Narrative/Burning Tears

I always tell myself I can get thru this without crying but I never do lol. And it's ok. It's ok to be vulnerable as long as you're vulnerable with the right people. You can't show you're "soft" or "weak" side to everybody because there are some who will take advantage. Lingering around for the right opportunity to slide their way in. So no don't show your tears to everybody but don't feel like you can't let it out either. That bottled up pain and hurt can destroy you, break you down until you feel like there's nothing left, like you're all alone, like nobody would understand. Don't do it.

You know, I really got deep into writing because I didn't want to talk to anybody about my thoughts or my emotions. I had a journal that I wrote in probably everyday, but unfortunately, at the time, I was with someone who not only couldn't handle anything or anybody else getting my attention but also thought every bad or negative thing I wrote about was about him -- well I mean if the shoe fits. One day he took my journal and I guess it was something in there that was just completely unacceptable in his eyes and he burned it, and laughed while he did it.

That crushed me. It crushed me not just because the journal stored my innermost thoughts but, that's where I kept my oldest daughters first everything -- her first word, when she took her first steps, when she lost her first tooth everything. I had 2 more children after her; I didn't, or maybe couldn't, store those memories of them, knowing I no longer had hers…

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